School started this week.

My daughter recently turned five. Not before the cutoff to go to kindergarten so that meant preschool for her.

We opted not to send her to preschool last year. While she is extremely intelligent, I worried about the social aspect. For the most part she stayed home with me. During the times I needed to be away for work and such, my husband would use some vacation time to watch our children, or she would be watched by other family. In the rare instance that those options were not available, we had a few sitters we utilized.

I felt that being dropped off at a place where she didn’t really know the kids or the teacher would be difficult for her.

My daughter, Katelyn, was born with spina bifida. This causes her to have some limitations, particularly with gross motor skills. She uses a wheelchair to get from place to place. She is not able to walk independently. (She does have long leg braces that allow her to walk with a walker or parallel bars during physical therapy.) At home she prefers to get around by crawling, and she is crazy fast! In public she prefers the wheelchair. It gives her the independence to be “like the other kids”.

In the last 12 months I have noticed lots of changes in Katelyn’s personality. She has really become very independent. She goes to physical therapy once a week. Shortly after we started going to this physical therapist, I began leaving the room during her appointment. Katelyn did well without me. On days when it was raining, I would drop her off at the door and she would wheel herself past the receptionist, down the hallway to the physical therapy room, on her own, while I parked the van. It has been incredible to witness this growth!

Just the same, I realize she is becoming much more aware of her differences. One evening after having some friends and family over, Katelyn told me that the other kids didn’t play with her much. They were running around playing tag and other games and she wasn’t able to keep up. She told me she wished she could stand up and run with her friends.

My heart sank. My beautiful little girl sat there telling me about how she was different from her friends. She knew had a limitation.

This is something I have tried to prepare myself for, but never really knew how. Life isn’t fair. I felt sad. I felt mad. I had the same thought that I have had hundred times before, I would give anything to trade places with her.

We had a good talk. We talked about all the things she was great at! She is smart. She is kind. She loves coloring and watching movies. She loves to go swimming.

At just five years old, she teaches me life’s lessons everyday.

I knew school would be starting soon. I was nervous about sending her. Would the other kids be nice to her? If they did pick on her, how would she handle it? She was so excited for school to start, but I could also sense she was a little nervous as well.

Today after school she told me another kid asked her why she uses a wheelchair. “Are your legs broken?” he asked.

I asked her what she said. She told me “I said my legs aren’t broken. I was born with spina bifida. It makes it so I can’t walk.”

Whoa! I had never really heard her explain it to someone.

I mean I have explained it to many people, both young and old alike. But to hear that she explained it to someone else, with such maturity and elloquence, really impressed me. In that moment, I felt extremely proud.

She also happily told me that she loves school. The other kids have been very nice to her. And I am so happy to hear that! She loves her teacher (as do I) and she loves all the fun things they have been working on.

I’m not naive. I know there will probably be a day where kids might not be so nice. I hope that my daughter will show just as much maturity and that maybe, just maybe, she will be able to teach someone that despite her limitations she is still an amazing person. I can’t waste my time thinking about all the what ifs.

These last five years have had their challenges, but she’s still got her whole life ahead of her! All I can do is surround myself and my daughter and my family with positive people. People who will be there in the good times and bad. People who will encourage us through life’s difficult situations. We’ll make it. This little preschooler is definitely going places in life and I can’t wait to experience it with her.

I would love to hear from you! Central Nebraska Doula provides professional doula services in the Tri-Cities, including Kearney, Grand Island, and Hastings, and the surrounding areas. If you are interested in receiving personalized care through doula services, please feel free to contact Central Nebraska Doula.